The ties that binds us are stronger than the occasional stresses that separates us-Colin Powell.
Kola and Shade had just sent their two daughters off to college,on the way home she felt a little blue. She reached for Kola’s hand, to which he responded,”No,can’t you see I’m driving”. Yes in her mind she knows he’s driving,and was trying to bury all the emotion of letting the girls off inside, deep inside she felt vulnerable. His comment felt rejecting.
She really needed a bit of comforting,but instead of expressing herself,she folded arms and looked out of the window for the rest of the ride home in silence.
“Are you alright?”, Jack asked.
“What am I supposed to be alright? You drive fast, You don’t want to stop for lunch- what do you expect? the feeling of hurt and anger overwhelmed her as she responded to her husband.
I know he loves me,so why do I feel rejected by his not wanting to hold my hands?
Anita sat in front of her Mac Notebook,trying to sort out her emails, send correspondence to her overseas colleagues.
Kayode paced back and forth,trying to get her attention. as he mumbled under his breath,”Woman, you have been glued to this gadgets for days now. You are not even aware of what’s happening around you”.
Kayode was capable of picking up the slack around the house while she goes about her paperwork and other correspondence but he missed his wife! Though he felt sad and alone. He also felt hurt and angry.
One night,an argument ensued, and Kayode couldn’t bottle the emotion any longer, ‘This House is in chaos,Anita because you are yet to learn how to balance your life”.
She didn’t see that coming. Hearing Kayode’s criticism, Anita felt attacked and unsupported,and so she defended herself. who’s right and who’s wrong now? Kayode actually wanted his wife to see how much he had missed and for them to find time to spend together.. Kayode became silent and withdrawn!
Sometimes we all wonder why being connected to our spouse is so important? when we missed our husbands and our wives,why do we feel a mixture of sadness and anger? I am sure most of us can find ourselves in the above scenario one way or another.
Why is it a big deal when we feel a little ounce of rejection,when we feel our spouse understanding enough,or considerate or even close enough?
I believe it is because God created us that way, we were designed to be in a close and connected relationship with God and others. The love connection we experience in our most significant relationship means the world to us!
We come into our utmost highest when we live connected to God and to those we care about and who care about us. we were created for connection,and our relationships are equally vital to our wellbeing.
I can honestly attest to this truth, sometimes ago I felt like a gap was between hubby and I and I was trying to grab his attention for days to no avail, and at the same time, it was as if all other areas were affected we just felt like strangers within that period of time. Everything that could go wrong went wrong, just because of miscommunication.
I wanted his attention and he longed for my support,we just couldn’t commuinicate it, we were both hurt and angry until we could talk it out!
God created within each one of us,an attachment system and the purpose of the system is to help us stay connected with others,in the bid to stay connected there is a mechanism that .. makes us feel powerful emotions and also make us respond in certain ways when our connection with either our spouses, siblings,children or friends are not optimal.
In marriage,this attachment system keeps us close and connected to our spouse, and also sends alarm when we are not. It’s like a two-edged sword, not only does it connect us,it also causes to react and argue with each other at the slightest provocation.
I was listening to Jim Evans on Marriage Today onTBN Network,and he said something profound about our attachment system and its significance in our upbringing. The way your parents and loved ones interacted with you,responded to you,nurture and emotionally connected with you laid down a pattern”unconsciously” for how you love and react in your marriage today.
That got me on my feet for a moment, How profound is that? You know the ties that bound you and your spouse when you first met each other, the attachment kept your interest and attention and helped you fall in love and the rest they say is history.
In marriage, the attachment grew as you both became very important to each other, and up to this moment, you still argue and fight to keep this ties that binds.
No wonder, the wise king Solomon in all his wisdom, couldn’t comprehend the mystery between the man and the woman.
There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand….. the way of a man with a young woman. Pro 30:18-19b.
I will like to read your views on this, how can you manage the ties so that it doesn’t break?