I bet you’re wondering what the above question is all about. That was my thought too when I was asked that same question sometimes back. I had registered for a masterclass in goal setting and clarity exercise. That move was a bold one for me because the opportunity for enrolment came at such a time that I needed to understand the next level for me.
I have come to realize that as a believer, an unapologetic Christian, sometimes when you pray and ask God for certain things or, you are simply asking for direction, His response to those prayers are often times what we least expect.
Back to my story, I saw the advert of the Masterclass and all that the registration required, A part of me, wanted to jump to it, but the other part of was rather reluctant especially when I saw the requirement in terms of payment, ‘in this economy? you want to pay that amount for a one-day Masterclass session‘, ol’girl you better have a rethink? That was the other part of me.
I summoned up courage and gather all my savings at that time, went ahead to register. At the point of registration, I knew there was no turning back, not after parting with such amount of money anyway.
The day came, and I drove myself all the way to the other side of Lagos, I had left the house early enough, as my custom, when I am not too familiar with place and I have to be there on appointment, I make sure I leave home about an hour or more in order to find my way around, and knowing Lagos with unexpected traffic jam,you don’t want to risk being late. Though I still lost my way to the venue, thank goodness I got there before the class started.
There were about 15-20 people from different walks of life who also registered for the same Masterclass, most were already seated as I walked into the small room where the class was going to hold. As soon as we were all seated a stout looking young man probably in his mid-thirties walked in, greeted everyone and introduced himself as the assistant to the Coach who will be taking us through the session, with his contagious smile, as he greeted us , I couldn’t help but notice the joy in his voice as he kept talking to us- he was in his zone doing what he loved and I could tell because you could see passion oozing out of him as he spoke and moved about.
He introduced the main coach, as he made his way into the class. Clad in his usual neat shirt over a pair of dark blue denim, Coach L is unarguably one of the best dress men in town, I have seen him on various social media platforms and can tell that he had a knack for style and simplicity. After the exchange of pleasantries across the board it was time for the real deal.
I sat in the first row of the class so that I will not miss out on anything, he approached us one after the other, asking a different question from each person. When he got to me, his question was,”who is driving your red car?
Immediately, I traveled back in time to my undergraduates days in the university, I used to dream of having a sleek Porsche red car, those memories came rushing back in milliseconds as I asked myself, “how did he know about my red car? No one else knows about “the red car” except me, I thought to myself. But he wasn’t really talking about a red car in the real sense of it.
As we progressed on in the class, he explained the concept behind “who is driving your car? it’s all about letting other people take control of life. Giving them the power to steer the wheel of your being- in essence, they become the driver and you are the passenger, as you watched them make decisions for you- They are driving your red car!
As we went on, I discovered that over time I had given others precedence to control my life. As a growing child back in the days, I remembered how I desperately wanted to be accepted by my peers and found myself in a compromise.
Because of the need for validations from others, you end up becoming a slave to what they want, running here and there to please others and never turning in to your own needs , the desire to please others squashes your own dreams and you end up molding your life to fit the opinion of others- being there done that. As I write this a scripture comes to mind in the book of Isaiah which talks about the lawful captive being free from the mighty.
In other words, you are somewhat a lawful captive when you give the rein of your personality and your true happiness for others to control. So how do you put a stop to the control of others in your life, or better put, how do you take back the steering of your red car- and take full responsibility of the ride because you want to start driving your car?
You must have the courage and confidence to start making your own decisions. The truth is most times when we worry about the opinions of others, it is actually a projection of own fears and internalized judgment. What would happen if I decide to quit this job? what will my family say? But once we are able to confront the fear you will discover at the end of the day, that others let go very quickly.
I believe it was last year that the Lord dropped something like the 3C’s code in my heart- you are not competing, you are to compare and don’t compromise. That was a major mantra that I am still running with. stop looking at what everyone else is doing and fix your eyes on your own lane, because no one’s life is the same as others, therefore do you! a comparison is like self-imposed torture do not do it.
Boost your Self-worth.
Yes, you are allowed to boost your self-esteem, you are the only one that can give yourself that esteem nobody else, not even your spouse or children, just you. Stop overvaluing the opinions of others above yours. Celebrate yourself even when you fail at something because that failure just means that you’ve discovered how not to do that same thing again.
If someone has been driving your red car, it’s time to take back your car keys and start driving yourself.