How Do You Raise Confident Children?.


I am a proud mother of 3 boys, and I am so blessed and happy to have them, Initially all I ever wanted was just two boys and I have them, then came another one, because I didn’t plan to have another baby  after those two, It just happened, I prayed and hoped that the baby would be a girl after all, lo and behold it was another boy. Great!

I have heard Family and friends say to me,”Haa, you need a girl, someone to calm all these boys down” or say something like,” who will help you wear your beautiful clothes or compete with you in shoes? All the myths and exaggerations that so abound when babies are born is still very rampant today.

We are so quick at to stereotype children by their sex, that we often tend to forget the joys of bringing them up, whether boys or girls. As a parent, you want to know how best you can help each child to become the very best they can be without denying natural gender tendencies which most certainly do exist.

As a mother of boys, to a large extent, I can liken young boys to bear’s cubs, they are boisterous, full of fun, energetic , quite a handful, young boys act first and think later, they find it a punishment to sit still and concentrate, their brains are better at coping with facts, maths, maps than with written and spoken language in general reading  and writing and even language skills take longer to kick in for boys than girls.

Back when the older boys, were still quite young, I found it frustrating trying to keep up with their high energy simultaneously, more with school activities, getting them to pay attention for longer was a huge challenge, but as time went by, I learnt to accept and work around their short attention span, endless energy, even now that they are teenagers.

It is important, to know and understand that the way you can build confidence in your children is to know their temperament and build up, and not try to compare them, if a boy is constantly told off for being noisy, clumsy, overcompetitive  or naughty, he will feel frustrated  and angry, and may short you out, because he would feel that you are constantly putting him down, so he will try to avoid you as much as possible.

As parents we must understand that though they are children, they have feelings too, and we cannot afford to hurt their feelings all the time on the platform of being parents. I have discovered as a mother, that boys do not like confrontations, I have been in several situations with my boys to learn that when you engage in direct confrontations with them, over time you may lose out long term if you try to win, just as adult Men, boys also like to feel powerful.

On the other hand, girls tend to work hard to please and do well, yet often suffer self-doubt, as parents you should give room for them to make mistakes and correct them in love, that goes for the boys as well.

Encourage appropriate independence and don’t mollycoddle her- Self-esteem based on a girl’s capacity and capability, not on our attention is the strongest kind.

Teach her to strong and not give up, and let her always know that being a girl doesn’t mean she’s inferior or less than the boys.

Never put your child down if he or she made a mistake.

Ask them what they love about themselves, and what others love about them, that way you are helping them to discover their talents and their individual uniqueness.

Let them find solutions to any difficulty they may come across, let them figure things out, with minimal supervision, relying on you to fix their issues won’t build self-confidence in them- No It won’t!

My heart breaks anytime I hear any of my boys say “I can’t”, so I always encourage them to always try again and again until they get it. Instil in them a fearless courageous heart that will help them overcome any form of challenges in life.

Let them know it OK, to let out their emotions, crying is just as necessary as laughing, they should not bottle-it-up.

Finally, teach them to love God for themselves!


(c. OBA2018. All Rights Reserved.


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